Diary

welcome..💙

here the diary part is

well read at yout own risk!

I sware sometimes I’d be better off gone.. like you’re really worth nothing if you’re not doing good in school or don’t have a good job and that’s the harsh truth of today. If you can’t play a role in the game then don’t play it. I need to see a therapist but I’m scared to tell my parents lik I tried hinting at it today to my dad but he just called me a lazy as and to try harder. I’m trying the best I can with the little motivation I have but it’s not good enough. I don’t trust sharing all this with my friends directly but I know they read but I’m really sensitive and would rather trust strangers I’ve never met and will never meet to know then to let the every day people in my life know cus I’m scared they’ll tease me or make fun of me (I think I said that before but oh well) but if everything keeps going downhill before collage I’m giving up on me!! And I also have this constant feeling that death is close and there is nothing I can do about it. It’s just like a constant ”hello you’re gonna die soon and you can’t do shit about it” type of feeling. Oh well one positive thing in my life right now is that I’ve decided to start in my old scouts again cause they were a little more my taste than my new ones so yeah that’s good ig.. baiiii take care //Kayla

Why can’t I be even slightly normal I mean I get some people have a hard time studying I’m some people but I feel very ashamed of myself every time I get less than a C I mean I want to me normal I want to actually pick up knowledge but it’s like I don’t have any motivation to actually do so and I’m starting to suspect that I’m depressed.. and I don’t want everyone to go feel sorry for me now I just want someone to talk to that won’t use it against me or tease me for it.. ye I’ve had suicidal thoughts sometimes but I would NEVER go through with souch a thing fuck no. But I seriously study and study and I’m on F warning I have no motivation for anything and I just don’t want to care as much as I do but I have some weird type of anxiety mom says that my dad gave to me cus he was expecting all A when I was in 5th grade (we didn’t even get grades then) so yeah. Well yeah I really just want someone that can listen and comfort me with hugs and such.. so yeah… well thanks and good night lovely’s!! //Kayla

Hai everyone... i know nobody acctualy reads this.. yet. but i still wanna say sorry for not posting on here ive jus been caught up in school so ye.. oh btw casper stole my last bun yesterday... grrr. oh well i was gonna give it to him anyways.... my teacher is my savior she just moved our test to next week and were gonna get last years grade on our report card now (i had like B or C) so now im happy! oh well i am in class and should go back to listening baiiiiiiiiiii //Kayla

Halooooooo today some shit happened like this morning i almost overslept and then when i got to bons house to walk too school this morning she was wearing a leather jacket... scary. well anyways after school mom told me to make some fries cus i didnt eat today! then bon wanted to eat them so she came over.. but i had already eaten them by then so i made her preppy and put make up and a skirt on her! she was the prettyest girl in town! then i ended up painting my own nails dark purple and glittery! me and bon came to the concution that i have a problem and think i fall in love with everyone who is nice to me.. so maybe i dont like linus..? i mean i never had the extreme tingely feeling i had when i started liking bon (i still get it sometimes just not as freaquent) but then i followed bon home and listeded to my wraped playlist on my way home (i blocked Tx2 btw) and now were here!!! so yeah!! BON IS CALLING GTG BAIII //Kayla

haiiaiaiaiaiaia today we got our math test and i almost got f but bon and isabelle got high grades im proud of them! isabelle got b and bon got A which is the highest grade in class!!! oh well we also got spotify wraped back today and i hate it... i used to be a fan of a band called Tx2 and it was the only thing i listened to from december last year to like april this year so he got second place on my most listened to artists but i find him realy cringe now... and 2 of his songs were on my most listened songs... grrrr! we also have bon who was logged into my acc and listened to one song on repeat 10 days in a row before i kicked him out and now that song was nr 2 on my most listened to songs :( ah well it is what it is.. still pissed at myself for getting that bad of a score.. oh and btw casper showed me his "very serious" hear me out list and it was over 100 things on there!.. well thats it for now i might make annother logg later today baiii //Kayla

well hello again i got the website to work propperly todayyyy and me and casper have grown closer by alot just today! its nice to have friends who have similar intrests to one self! we havent gotten our math results back yet though... imma work on an about the people page so everyone gets who the people i name are but for now.. SEE YA //Kayla

AHHH FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKK I LIKE LINUS I NEED TOO ACCEPT IT😭😭 I DONT WANNA I WANNA LIKE BONNNNNN (which i still doo but not as much as i once did... like i liked it how it was before!!! why are feelings so confusing?) UGHHHHHH but I guess I have a style in men now…. The soft spoken nice calm and crazy charming men🫡 like Gary Leeds/walker and nyon🥺 he’s so nice tho… we need to get closer… ah good fucking thing people don’t know I have a diary in here.. yesterday night me and Bon were up late and she was crying cus I was feeling bad and she didn’t know how to say I love you in a friend way so she was bawling her eyes out and I can’t cry in front of people so I was laughing.. it felt rude… oh well I have a maths test tomorrow… hope it goes well //Kayla